Through the eyes of a Father

         

         First let me begin by saying that I have written many papers, newsletter articles, and sermons but truthfully none have been as close to my heart as this post. Throughout my life I have experienced many life changing situations and this year especially has been filled with them. However, finally being willing to admit something might not be "right" with my little Katie-Beth and having that confirmed has been the most difficult. I have learned a great deal in the past few weeks. I have began to understand that I cannot fix this. I am beginning to see how to better love my daughter (also the my entire family). I have been reminded over and over that she is a gift from God.

          I am a man that can fix or build just about anything to do with cars, housing, electronics, and sometimes even my daughters' hair (usually this means pulling it out of their eyes and hoping the bow will hold it there). Because of this mindset it can be difficult to see KB as she struggles to absorb her environment and not be able to fix it. When she begins to fidget uncontrollably because she is overwhelmed with stimuli all I want to do is run to her and fix it for her but I can't. There is nothing physical that I can pick up and repair. I am trying to remind myself what I can do out numbers the things I cannot do for her. I can hold here tightly (helps meet her sensory disorder needs). I can pick her up and carry her to a more calming environment. I can look at and treat her with the compassion and the love only a father can offer. I can and will always be there when she needs me!

          As Dawn and her have visited specialist after specialist we have learned so much about our daughter. Things that once were so difficult for us to piece together have begun to fit. All of this adds up to mean I now can look at my beautiful KB and love her in such a way that she understands it. This helps with loving the rest of my family better because it is important to love each person in a way they "feel the love man!" Love is what can make the difference for children especially those that see it through much different eyes than the rest of us.

          When she was born she spent several days in the NICU. While she was there I prayed that no matte waht God chose to do I would give Him praise because she is His child that He simply has loaned to us for a time. That prayer continues to come back to mind even though this is not a life or death situation as before, I still must remember that she is HIS and not mine or Dawn's. This is reassuring for a couple reasons. The first being that no matter how much of an idiot can be God is in control and can use even me. The other thing is that He created us and has big plans for us all. Something Dawn started with Katie-Beth is asking what kind of plan God has for her. Dawn then reminds her that God has a big plan for her life. This is still true and Autism is part of that plan. David writes this in Psalms 139:13-16,

"For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful and I know this well. My bones were not hiddden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. You eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began."

She is truly a gift from God one that He has big plans for.